Chapter 8 Page 45
Posted November 10, 2023 at 03:26 am

Full disclosure I did retcon a Hijack sibling name. I changed it from Toolbox (I don't remember why I called it that) to Hitbox, as you can see on this page. Update your wiki accordingly! Also support Paranatural on Patreon! :)



        “I see through your tricks now, spawn of Dave,” hissed left brain Hijack some time later. “You may be a middle school student... but your schemes are elementary. The many gifts you’ve brought us aren’t bribes, but rather instruments of torture!”

        It had been a full ten minutes since his right half’s turn to play Wii Tennis had begun, and he’d traded match point strike range back and forth with his NPC opponent like three times in a row. Hijack was certain that other Hijack was doing this on purpose to stall for more gaming time—what else could all that correlation prove besides causation? This after Cody’s COMPLETELY AMATEUR unboxing, executed with zero respect for the art form, its subtle etiquette and history, let alone the product he’d so clumsily unveiled (The nerve to call the Wii a retro console. Was the WHEEL retro? Was FIRE??). They were trying to break him. Hijack was absolutely seething with detached and highly logical indignance.

        If only he could touch this Wii just like he could the one back home (at least when Hitbox was around to make it solid). Of course, the OTHER Hijack could, but only for as long as he hogged Cody.

        “Hmm, I dunno about ‘torture,’ but I do buy loads of toys like this to give my dad a headache, sure.” Cody was speaking entirely from the left half of his mouth, pausing briefly when his right half borrowed tongue use to let out a whooping cheer—Hijack had claimed match point once again. “He gives my guards strict orders to buy me anything I ask for, so I hoard junk to hurt his bottom line. And he can’t cut me off or it would prove that he loves money more than me!” The left corner of his lips curled into a pleasant smile, which, coupled with right Hijack’s focused sports grimace, finally conveyed his true emotions. “It’s also a good smokescreen for when there’s something that I actually want, like this Wii or that goldfish.”

        Leftist Hijack eyed the bulbous creature swimming in the bag set down beside him. It had an eerily likable face—symmetrical, too, as his no longer was...

        “Like it?” Cody asked with a lopsided grin. “That’s gonna be your body for a bit!”

        “Heh heh!” giggled Cody’s Hijack right half. The tinny smack of a successful Wiimote serve echoed around him. “Lucky you, lefty me! You’re finally not gonna be a mouthbreather!”

        The side that Cody still controlled laughed with him (by choice, it seemed, though he had none). “Ha ha, yeah! Lucky both of you! You each get half the fish. You’re gonna share!”

        Cody cut himself off with an incredulous Hijack “HUH?” With a mighty backhand, the puppeteer spirit smashed the ball past two grotesque Miis and claimed tennis victory at last. “Well maybe I don’t FEEL like leaving YOUR body. Maybe I’ll just STAY! Whatcha gonna do about that?” Hijack East stretched Cody’s face into a gleefully villainous grin. “Heh heh heh... a vampire should know there’s no take-backsies once you invite the bad guy in...”

        Hijack West shook off his stupor. Why was he hung up on goldfish and gaming? His other half had the right idea. They had their captor exactly where they wanted him, and they had Wii at home! He inched closer, slinking like the horrid body-snatcher he was always built to be—

        “What am I gonna do about that?” Cody pondered, scratching the side of his head thoughtfully. “Hmm. Hurt your left half or my right until you get out, probably?” A chill wove through the room, and Cody’s eyes shone blue as ice.

        Right-hand Hijack was soon shivering behind his mirrored twin, having fully fled his terrifying host. Cody loomed above them both, testing out the limbs that he’d regained.

        “Did you guys forget that I’m the monster here already? Jeez, and you’re not even in the goldfish yet!” He continued on cheerfully when they only gawked up at him with wide eyes in response. “There’s really no need to be scared, though. I’m in a great mood! You couldn’t control my dad, but you can control me—testing that was the first hurdle my plan had to clear!” Cody chuckled softly to himself. “I guess that means that I’m alive after all, too, since you guys only puppet living things.”

        The Hijacks glanced at each other with concern, which led to a very comical cross-eyed brain-face situation.

        “I mean hey, can you blame me for wondering?” Cody asked with a shrug. “Half-vampire means half-human, sure, but I had to take my dad’s word when he said I had a heartbeat—after all, I’ve never felt it. And he lies to me, like, all the time!” Cody put his hands on his hips and puffed one cheek out, like a cutesy K-pop idol. “...Hey, if you’re not gonna contribute to the conversation, at least thrash around a bit, guys. You’re making it a pain to echolocate you!”

        After a beat, southpaw Hijack broke the silence at long last. “...Does this mean... that I don’t get a turn to play Wii Sports?”

        Cody smiled. “We’ll play tons of Wii Sports. But that comes later in my plan.”

        The Hijacks stroked their split nutcracker chins. “...We’re listening,” they said, nearly in sync.

        “Great!” Cody splashed down on his bed, twirling his Wiimote around his finger by the wrist strap. “You two are gonna help me run away from home! And in exchange...” Cody tapped his head to shake his thoughts loose, acting like he hadn’t yet decided. “Hmm. How about I call us square for what you did to Jeff? Then I can let you go, and... oh!” He beamed—this time, the Hijacks could have sworn they caught a glimpse of teeth no less sharp than his father’s. “You’ll also get to ruin my awful dad’s big evil scheme! Neat, huh? Didn’t you like hurting bad guys who deserve it?”

        Cody picked up on the sound of subtle shifting, his batlike senses tracing Hijack’s shape with a symphony of musical coordinates. Still, he wondered what the spirit’s face looked like after his offer. Was he bitter? Guilty? Eager to redeem his past mistakes?

        “...You’re like Alucard from Castlevania III.”

        Cody’s smile faltered to confusion. “...From what?”

        “Castlevania III.”

        “Dracula’s Curse” the other Hijack added, his voice equally reverent. “On the Virtual Console.”

        “Okay!” Cody cheerfully replied, making a mental note to simplify some aspects of his plan.