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[Transcript]

        Ka-POW! Johnny’s fist struck the last goon in a wave of Student Councilors, adding yet another dork to the detritus strewn about the hallway’s floor. He stood still for a moment, panting in the battle’s aftermath... but the air was far too hot for him to truly catch his breath. 

        “What friggin’ gives, man?!” Johnny snarled in frustration. A blink was all it took to miss the swirling sparks he’d spat.

        Despite the groans and moans of the defeated all around him, Johnny could still hear the wild chaos he had fled just a few halls away. Out of nowhere, it had seemed, a bunch of kids he KNEW were total squares had started breaking every single school rule on the books. The Student Council had swept in to detain them immediately, as if they’d been ready and waiting in ambush, and Johnny had been mowing down insufferable snitches ever since.

        Try as he might, though, he couldn’t seem to break free from the onslaught. Every time he got away, or tried to hide and get his head straight, a new random encounter would come sprinting from the shadows. It was like those Student Council freaks were—

        FzzZZT.

        The mechanical whirr of a rotating security camera drew Johnny’s burning vision to the ceiling.

        “Hyurck-heh-HEH HEHK! Priority target doxxed again!” a tinny teen girl voice sneered in delight, emerging from the PA system and a classroom’s old computer simultaneously. Troll’s greasy finger had slipped onto the wrong key, broadcasting her transmission to the bully she’d been tracking by mistake. “Dropping deets in the SUPERIOR groupchat! All units, MOVE IN like my mom’s new boyfriend: WITHOUT warning and WITH UNCONSIDERED PREJUDICE!”

        Johnny beat his chest and lobbed a few rocks at the camera in prehominid frustration, then took off down the hallway on all fours. A flood of footsteps echoed from behind him, herding him from one turn to the next.

        WHAM!!

        Johnny crashed through double doors into the blinding heat of Bayview’s burning sunshine. He rolled and then slid to a simian stop, scraping molten streaks into the blacktop with his fingers. His frenzied glare whipped from one brick wall to another, and another, until he realized with dismay that he was not, in fact, outside. A courtyard at the heart of Bayview Biddle School surrounded him, the summer sky above his head his only fleeting taste of freedom... and that wasn’t all. The space was filled with Student Council thrall monitors, a pack of rabid teacher’s pets allowed to roam the school without a leash. Their ranks closed to block the door that Johnny had just crashed through—the courtyard’s only exit.

        “Well, well, well!” a snooty voice said from behind him. 

        Johnny snorted smoke and turned to face his newest challenger. Barrister, the highest-ranking member of the Twelve Black Saint Councilor-Generals, stepped forward from the crowd, gavel in hand.

        “One wrong turn, and the running of the bullies sends a prize cow charging straight into our bullpen!” Barrister let out a shrill little scoff, looking Johnny up and down. “I’ll give you your flowers, Arch-DUPE Ferdinand, before this STING, my clever ambush, maketh me your matador: you rampaged in your labyrinth for longer than my men should have allowed... but cowed beyond your maze, thou misbegotten minotaur, you’re nothing but a bare, bullheaded Cretan!”

        “Whuh? Man, I don’t know that Geek Mythology junk,” Johnny grumbled. He cracked his knuckles. “Sick tiny hammer though, bro. You like whack-a-mole? ’Cause I can see one on your FACE that still needs THUMPIN’.” He smacked his fists together.

        Barrister smirked.

        “Incredible,” he said, and a single wounded tear fell from his eye. “Efficient. Ruthless. You truly are a bully of unprecedented skill.” He dabbed his face dry with his powdered wig, which doubled as a way to reapply the powder on his cheek. “A dying breed, as Troll oft claims. All the more reason... for you to live your final days out in captivity.”

        He struck his gavel on the hollow head of a Student Council squire. On cue, the wall of soldiers parted, and Bobblehead, the Beast of Bayview Biddle School, emerged from the crowd like a gladiator, stalking steadily towards Johnny as their mascot eyes shone bright with feral menace.

        “You should consider it an honor,” Barrister proclaimed, “that the Twelve Black Saint Councilor-Generals have sent their Number One and Number Two, their mightiest duo, to arrest you!”

        “They shoulda sent their Number One and Number Two straight down the drain. It’s SWIRLIES for you freaks once I’m done wipin’ out your mighty DEUCE... and ALL the DINGLEBERRIES you brought with you!!” Johnny roared as he charged into battle.

        “S-scatalogical, illogical degenerate!” Barrister sputtered. “Whatever happened to civil debate?!” With effort, Barrister stiffened his upper lip and readied his gavel for combat. A firebrand this dangerous, this wild and inflammatory, had to be SNUFFED OUT IMMEDIATELY... before his scathing burns could reach the soft ears of the President! “STUDENT COUNCIL... ATTAAAAACK!!”